I’m Heather Havrilesky and I created the Ask Polly advice column in 2012 for The Awl. My initial plans for Ask Polly weren’t ambitious at all: I just wanted to have some fun and foist some of the unwanted advice I’d been rudely pushing on friends and family for decades onto a new set of unsuspecting strangers. Much to my surprise, given my poor track record, Ask Polly became one of The Awl’s most popular features, and in 2014, Stella Bugbee brought the column to _New York’s_ The Cut (this move was enabled by Awl co-founder Choire Sicha, who generously granted me all rights to the column and supported my move to the Cut). My advice book _[How to Be a Person in the World](https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/07/books/review/heather-havrilesky-ask-polly-how-to-be-a-person-in-the-world.html)_ was published by Doubleday in 2016.

In April of 2021, Ask Polly [moved to Substack](https://www.thecut.com/2021/04/ask-polly-good-bye-new-york.html) where it publishes twice a week (on Mondays and Wednesdays) for subscribers only. Along with advice columns on subjects like how to embrace your [secret creative dreams](https://askpolly.substack.com/p/im-embarrassed-by-my-dream), how to make a [lifelong commitment](https://askpolly.substack.com/p/im-afraid-to-commit), and how to [navigate difficult friendships](https://askpolly.substack.com/p/my-friend-sucks), I also write features with faintly suspicious titles like [How to Be Exuberant](https://askpolly.substack.com/p/how-to-be-exuberant) and [How to Handle Regrets](https://askpolly.substack.com/p/how-to-handle-regrets).

I love writing this column. It’s been the biggest surprise of my writing career how much I love it. I’ve written essays (New York Times Magazine), criticism (Salon, Bookforum), cartoons (Suck), moody prose ([Ask Molly](https://askmolly.substack.com/p/same), written by Polly’s evil twin), and four books, the latest of which, _[Foreverland: On The Divine Tedium of Marriage](https://www.harpercollins.com/products/foreverland-heather-havrilesky?variant=39344373497890)_, is a memoir of my marriage that will be published by Ecco in February of 2022. (You can [pre-order it here](https://www.harpercollins.com/products/foreverland-heather-havrilesky?variant=39344373497890).) But nothing brings me more satisfaction than diving into a stranger’s problem and rediscovering some basic truth that makes our (frankly terrifying) world feel less harrowing and impossible.

What I discover over and over again is that you can’t think your way through life like it’s a difficult puzzle that needs to be solved. You can’t expect yourself to improve constantly. Your happiness doesn’t depend on unlocking a new levels of success, status, wealth, fame, beauty, and adventure. We weren’t built to chase empty goals through infinite mazes, satisfaction always eluding us. We’re here to savor the conflicted, melancholy pleasures of each day. Our joy depends on embracing our imperfect selves as we are, treasuring the impermanent wonders of this moment, and fighting to make the world a more just and habitable place for everyone.

I’ve learned so much from Ask Polly readers over the years, and that wisdom has grown exponentially over the past few months, thanks to the fact that Substack’s format enables much more vibrant reader discussions. Week after week, we remind each other of what’s important (kindness, patience, anime, really good cheeses) and what’s not (obsessions, stinging insects, extremely online idiots). When you subscribe, you get two new columns a week, you can comment on any column or discussion thread, and you can read everything in the archives. Thank you for reading and supporting Ask Polly!

_Send your advice letters to askpolly @ protonmail.com._

Ask Polly

Culture

Philosophy

I'm David Elikwu

To be brutally honest, I'm just a nerd with some fountain pens who hasn't stopped writing since he was five.

* I'm doing my best to make sense of the world around me.
* I'm a prolific learner - absorbing knowledge is my superpower.
* I started sharing everything I learned online and a few thousand people signed up to come along for the ride.
* This is the place where I share everything you'll need to know about learning more and living better.
* 'The Knowledge' is named after one of the hardest exams in the world - an infamously gruelling test for taxi drivers in London. London 'cabbies' study the Knowledge to memorise the 25,000 roads, alleys, nooks and crannies spread across a sprawling city. Likewise, this platform maps data points for navigating the world around us. I'm building a cognitive compass. A place you go to figure things out.
* In addition to my [newsletter](https://www.theknowledge.io/about/#/portal) and [podcast](https://plnk.to/theknowledge), I run a [course](https://maven.com/theknowledge/career-hyperdrive) helping people like you build kick-ass careers!

## My career journey

As a more professional introduction, I started my career early, working on marketing campaigns for companies like Amazon, Krispy Kreme, and Credit Suisse.

I interned at Google, moved to Shanghai, came back when I ran out of money and nabbed a grad job in consulting. I hadn't graduated but I brought on four Tier-1 clients in 6 months before being offered my 'dream job' working on billion dollar deals in Corporate Law.

It took half a decade to realise I had bigger dreams. At some point I'd picked up photography as a hobby, was shooting New York and London fashion weeks within two years, and turned the side gig into a brand strategy consulting practice.

After consulting for a bunch of startups I pivoted to technology full-time, joining a startup as Chief of Staff and then transitioning to Product Operations.

I built a few other businesses along the way including a travel club for 2000+ millennial travellers, and a social impact brand supporting global artisanship through [African coffee and biodynamic wine](https://demrepworld.com).

That's the boring stuff out of the way! If you want brutally honest accounts of my early career experiences, go [here](https://theknowledge.io/issue51) and [here](https://theknowledge.io/issue52).

Philosophy

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